Z's Report on Malice Mizer

You wanted Visual Gay? Well, here it is.

Malice Mizer. Engrish for Malice and misery; the answer to the question "Why didn't I pay attention in English class, or even bothered to do my research before picking something as important as my band name?" Was formed in 1992 by Mana and Közi. Two homosexual college drop-outs. Aspired by acts as XXX Japan and Luna Semen, also they wanted an excuse to display their fetishes on-stage. They invited YU~KI on bass and got themselves a trademark j-rock crap vocalist, Tetsu. They also had a drummer called Gaz, but he left to join finnish love metal band HIM.



This was after Kami joined. Who probably had more talent than the others combined. Too bad though the man was a gay pussy. Anwyays. The story advances and because the band sucks ass, they find it hard to get signed. But Mana, the most fabulous out of the lot has a way to get around that, founding his own label. He came up with "Midi:Nette" (french for little queer) and decided it would be best to never talk again, because everything he had said up until that point was utter bullcrap.

So they released a CD which was a guided-by-instruments-screaming-and-crying-Tetsu, and due to negative feed back, Tetsu left and commited social suicide. Only to later return as a broken and even worse solo artist. But this is besides the point.

One year later, the gang has their head in their hands, but then someone comes along. It was the spokesmen of the gay society in Japan and the one and only Gackuto Camui. A bulk of faggotry, ego and no talent whatsoever. His idea to make this band better was taking their costumes, getting them finger painted by 5 year olds and re-using them. This had major succes and Malice Mizer PV's were actually being featured in between episodes of Doraemon and Dragon Ball.

But at one point Mana got sick of not being the biggest gaylord of the group, and kicked Gackt's lilly butt out. Kami who was Gackt's lover and slave, got heartbroken and died. RIP Kami. As I said, Kami was the only talented one, so the band was in deep shit. They had no vocalist, and no talent any more. They clinged on to some stuff Kami had lying around still and prayed for a miracle.



Then came Klaha. An opera fag, and a man with an idea. "Colorful and classical? No, we need to become emo kids." Then came the black, the churches, the depressions and the mainstream-church-music crap. They were originally planning to rename to "My Chemical Malice" or "Bullet For My Mizer". But they decided they'd lose the rest of their credibility. They lasted one album still and were officially declared dead. Which made no difference to their personal life as they posted regulary on MySpace "We are dead inside." and "Comment my new pix<3"

Now all the members are doing their own thing. Mana has continued leeching off of other people's talent. Gackt is a full time faggot. Tetsu has been explained already. Közi republished old Malice stuff and claimed it albums and YU~KI did the wisest thing and became an hero.

This was my report on Malice Mizer.

Goodnight.

Next up is Kaya

Z's Report on metronome

Metronome

Retardation from the future, uh I mean past.

It is the year 1998 and 4 people decide to create a band. Sharaku, the vocalist/whiner of FLOPPY and 3 other members that have no name at all. As their image, they decided to have come from the near future. A very homosexual future where all hairdressers are extinct and the cleaning of one's mouth after dinner isn't a necessity anymore.

Although the goal of their "time-travel" was to boost recordsales, the only thing that seems to be boosted was their lack of inspiration. This led to numerous changes in the line-up. It makes you wonder "Did these guys come from the future just to get a new band together?" But that's beside the point.

After releasing 3 songs over about 20 singles, the band realised they had passed their year 2005, and the world wasn't so gay after all. This led to the suicide of vocalist Sharaku. Which had no actual effect on the band seeing that all of his work was done with a high-pitched-Microsoft Sam.



The outfit of these guys (as seen above) was bought from a janitor. But to keep things creative, they added some Made-in-China Power Rangers toys. Sleep deprivation and a lack of manners inspired their make-up, and a bassist with shaking hands given a scissor handled the hairdo.

Metronome is best known in Japan not for their music, but their lawsuit by Microsoft. The PV COMPUTER which was made with Microsoft-Movie-Maker and featured vocals by Microsoft-Sam, included Apple computers that were handed out because [u]nobody[/u] buys Apple computers. They lost the trial and had to pay a fine of 円 5.

The income of this band minus the fee led to their bankrupcy and now you can find the Metronome boys in the streeks of Shinjuku rocking out like it's 2005. (Which it isn't.)

In this year, Metronome requested Nintendo to feature one of their songs in an upcoming Wii game. But Satoru Iwata, President & CEO of Nintendo said he'd rather lick Mario's big Italian hairy plumber ass than include them on any game title.

This was my report on Metronome.

Next up is Malice Mizer

Z's Report on SiSeN

My report on SiSeN

The worst DJ on the planet.

Hello everyone, before we start of, take a look at this:






Thank you for doing so. Your eyes have just feasted on the ugliest, rice-shitting son of a bitch from Asia.

Born like fucking 88 years ago, this guy's first words were "bareback" and "botox". Picking up dude's in your local daycare center, raping the manliness right out of them. Before he aspired of becoming a poster for "sexual-ravers'R'Us" his ambitions were to become 'male nude model' and 'an active part of society'. But he failed both due to lack of penis.

Thus he had no other choice than play other people's music in order to become rich himself. After sucking a lot of cock, he got a job at some gay shop selling BDSM and Kawaii merchandise. His lack of personality and money led to him stealing merchandise at a high rate, dressing in EVERYTHING he has stolen as a way to compensate his lack of dick.

SiSeN has tried (and failed) to adopt the Visual Kei style, but due to lack of skill (and money for a hairdresser), he has the worst haircut since Captain Spock, and hides this with an overuse of waste, dumped by the JapanToysPlasticFactory (which is known to contain lethal doses of female hormones, leading to SiSeN's hairless and thus faggy skin).



Bored of doing absolutely jack shit at parties, he has attempted composing a song called SaGa, which is basically just an endless loop of downloaded free samples. In his free recording session, he was sadly buttraped by pissed-off Tibetan refugees. Due to an incredible taste in bad music, he liked the track as it was and he released it on Tokyo Dark Castle, the nickname of one of the local crackhouses you can find him in.

After getting AIDS, SiSeN tagged along with Tokyo Decadance, which is Japan's cast-out homo-society, desperatley looking for a western boyfriend. You can find him on MySpace, sending slutty messages to every guy with no Y chromosome, see him doing absolutley nothing at parties, or with some luck find him sniffing coke in a dark alley of Shinjuku.

This was my report on SiSeN

Goodnight.

Next up is metronome